Ever been puked on by a kid from the Midwest? Tell us about it.

We want to hear your tourist horror stories. Were you cussed out in Italian on the Schooner Freedom? Or spit on from atop the Lighthouse? Maybe you got in a fist fight with an out-of-town biker over the pronunciation of “Hypolita.”

Your bar-story gems could earn you a chance to win our Tourist for a Day prize package:

“With coed harmonies and snatches of R&B, Black Kids have a more classic pop sound than your typical indie-rock band — and they’re more humble,” said “Rolling Stone” (of Jacksonville’s Black Kids) in the “Artist to Watch” segment of their magazine and website in November. It wouldn’t be unusual for you to overlook a North Florida-based band, but Black Kids have recently transcended the local scene in a big way. Although the band was regular on the local scene, playing about once a month at clubs around the area, including Café 11, Jack Rabbits and frequently at downtown Jacksonville’s TSI Discotheque, they recently booked a single out-of-town show in Athens.

“Brendan, who books for TSI, he basically booked us [at the Athens Popfest] and bullied us. He said ‘You’re going!’” said Reggie Youngblood.

Telly’s operates in a tourist-free zone, though you can imagine the adventurous few poking their heads through the door. They’d enjoy the company of locals, who have come to rely on Telly’s for a quick and delicious lunch.

The eclectic décor has guests admiring modernist ceiling fans and track lighting. For those more interested in the past, fleur de lis window treatments and straight-from-your-grandma’s-kitchen vinyl tablecloths help round out the look. Local artists display their wares on the wall, with oil paintings ranging from the staid landscape to native-inspired folk art. All of this is visually interesting. But since you are at a restaurant, what will interest you more is the smell, the very yummy smell coming from the kitchen of this small sandwich haven.

So you wanna get on the bad-ass do-gooder bandwagon? Well, climb aboard, yo. There are opportunities aplenty to become a civic wonder of St. Augustine. And we’ve even found three people who might steer you toward your own humanitarian cause — or, at the very least, toward picking up that empty High Life bottle on the sidewalk.

The Oldest City’s Griot

Sometimes talent is the best thing to give back to your community. And that’s pretty sweet because you get paid. Christian Sun plays the African djembe drums and, through his music, wants to create outlets for people to get together to make music.

“Think of the best part of every sport and mix them all together. It’s surfing, it’s wakeboarding, it’s hang gliding, it’s everything mixed together. Everyone dreams of flying. This is the closest you can get to it for sure.”

Daryl Drown, owner of Extreme Kites in St. Augustine Beach, is a key reason that local beaches have had a new kind of sportsman on their sands this past summer.

“We were the first retailer of power kites in the US and we are still one of the largest in North America. Right here in little St. Augustine,” said Drown.

Locals will forever be outnumbered in a town whose major export is being “old.” Tourism in St. Augustine means that the historic district will be swarmed with sightseers and the streets congested with out-of-town traffic. This is not a question for Ripley’s to believe or not, but a fact.

It’s almost impossible to avoid 1,783,500 visitors in a county of just 123,135 residents. According to St. Johns County Tourism Facts, a study done in 2003, that number represents only tourists who stopped by for the day. The number of tourists increases to 4,088,600 when they decide to spend the night. All of these extra guests can be a blessing for the economy, but an annoyance in everyday life.