Dear Drift: Batman, license plates and mannequin sex

DEAR DRIFT …

Every month, the Drift staff will answer your questions about life. No subject is taboo: work sex, love, burritos, music, movies, etiquette, whatever. You ask, we will answer.

Have a question? E-mail us at editor@surfthedrift.com.

Dear Drift,
Help us settle a debate: Who would you rather be? Superman or Batman?
–Jack

Jack,
Wow. You guys know marijuana is illegal here, right? Anyway, we aren’t quite fanboys over here, but we’ll weigh in. Let’s break this down. Batman gets the sweet gadgets, ridiculous car, Morgan Freeman as his new sidekick and a billionaire alter-ego. But he is human. And for all his awesomeness, he can’t seem to REALLY kill the Joker.

Superman gets to fly, shoot lasers out of his eyes and Lois Lane. But he is also a weird alien, his cape is less fashionable, he was played by Nic Cage and his alter-ego has a bizarre fascination with phone booths.

The flying thing makes it close, but we’re going with Batman.

Dear Drift,
Some of the mannequins on St. George kind of make me horny. I’m not some kind of perv am I?
–Maurice

Maurice,
Mannequins aside, “Maurice” is kind of a pervy name. Sorry man. Look, it’s not your fault those mannequins are dressed up like slutty Playboy channel fantasies. Remember the old mannequins from Sears and J.C. Penney? They were like 15-year-old boys with long, terrifying hair. Today’s mannequins have been to the upgrade doctor. No joke – on Fort Lauderdale beach, the gift shops have mannequins that are so breast-tacular that tourists actually take pictures with them.

Dear Drift,
My boyfriend and I are starting to experiment sexually. But I am drawing the line at, let’s just call it the back door. I think he’s mad at me, but I think that’s lame. What should we do?
–Michelle

Dear Michelle,
You should put your clothes on and talk this out. There are two ways to “experiment” sexually. The first is to have a discussion about what you want to try. Something specific. And even then, you need to set boundaries. (Yes, I want you to handcuff me to the bed. No, I do NOT want you whip me with a belt.) The second is to say to hell with the talking, have too many glasses of wine and see what happens. We’re happy to report that both methods can work.

But if you’re spoken about your boundaries, your boyfriend needs to respect them. Why don’t you try offering something else that might be fun for him? Perhaps a threesome with a St. George St. mannequin?

Dear Drift,
If you could have a personalized license plate, what would it be?
–Car & Driver

Dear Car & Driver.
This is a trick question, right? The answer is don’t get one. Ever. We all loved Classic Concentration back in the day, but that doesn’t mean you need to replay it for people on S.R. 312. There are massive online chat rooms devoted to people finding crappy personalized plates. We highly recommend this Google trip. We found out that on Beverly Hills, 90210, Steve’s Corvette’s plate said “I8A4RE.” So, we take it back. If you have “I8A4RE” on your Ford Focus, that is fine by us.