News of the Weird: March

By Chuck Shephard

LIFE’S NECESSITIES
In January, Taser International introduced the Taser MPH, a combination dart-firing weapon and MP3 music player (that holds 150 songs). In November, Bergdorf Goodman in New York City revealed it was offering showings of “KissKiss Gold and Diamonds” lipstick, which retails for $62,000 (housed in an 18-karat gold tube containing 2.2 carats of diamonds).

I DON’T WANNA PLAY
In December – after the tiger attack on a visitor at the San Francisco Zoo – the Houston Zoo was still allowing its visitors to play “tug of war” with its own lions and tigers. A 20-pound slab of meat attached to a long rope is tossed into the enclosure, and visitors are encouraged to toy with the cats by yanking on the rope as the animal lunges for it. Said a Houston zookeeper, the game keeps the animals from getting bored. Besides, a zoo official said, “(The lion or tiger) kind of lets us know when he wants to play, and we go along with that.”

DOES JACK DANIELS COUNT?
The Department of Education of Canberra, Australia granted permission for a 16-year-old student at Stromlo High School to take smoking breaks, based on a doctor’s finding that she is so “clinically addicted” to nicotine that her work suffers without it.

THAT’LL LEARN YA
A teacher at Yamata Elementary School in Yokohama, Japan, was disciplined in January after a finding that she improperly punished her class because a few students would not come to order. Officials said she lined up all students and walked down the row, slapping each one in the face.

SHE WAS DONE WITH IT
Geraldine Magda, 44, was arrested in Austin, Minn., in January, following a nursing-home visit to hold the hand of her dying sister in her final hours. Magda was charged with stealing the wedding ring from her sister’s finger during the hand-holding.

HE’S NO SCIENTIST
David Holland, 46, gave a DNA sample last year to police in San Jose, Calif., to help resolve murder charges against his brother, but was then arrested for an until-then-unsolved 2001 rape when his DNA sample matched that left behind by the rapist.

THEY’LL EVER LOOK HERE
Jason Panchalk, 36, was admitted to the Pima County (Arizona) jail in December, facing a charge of trafficking in stolen property. According to a jailer, Panchalk was carrying “some syringes, matches, lighter, heroin, marijuana, and an assortment of pills,” all inside his rectum. And in October, court officials in Cork, Ireland were suspicious of a defendant’s demeanor. According to a report in the Irish Independent, doctors found a mobile phone, SIM card and charger, all wrapped in foil and coated with lubricant, inside his rectum.

THE PERFECT PLAN
A 53-year-old man from Vernon, British Columbia, was arrested in January and charged with robbing a CIBC bank. He had left his 20-year-old companion in the getaway car listening to the radio, but when the alleged robber got in with the stash, the car wouldn’t start because the radio had drained the battery. They were captured in a nearby bakery, where they had fled, as law enforcement was plentiful in the area since the CIBC bank is located in a building with a Mounted Police station.